Published By Dive Ink Books
Will our endless inky explorations on new planets of pulp
Brand us as evil sorcerers carelessly misusing
The mighty galactic powers of our precious sixth sense
By injecting life into inanimate objects and subjects?
Or possibly the rocket jet spark of earthly artistic creation
Has been hidden on our own world since its very origin
Darkly cloaked within the charcoal of ancient stone caverns
Holding a vast pencil lead netherworld of carbon treasures
Either way, most everyone enjoys scribbling a funny little
Doodle or writing something interesting now and then
And so, to the entire universe, the question must be asked:
What could be the possible psychic harm? I say thee none!
1
She gets a nice golden buzz in her own home
Queen Bee laughs at all the drying drones
Queen Bee laughs at all the dying moans
Her hot wild hive growing from the harvest zone
Queen Bee laughs at all the cries and groans
Queen Bee laughs at her own honeycombs
2
He took the almighty prize
We really do despise
The castle of the sand - the dynasty that produces
The Bikini Bleach Blanket Blowout series
And we are so bored of the surfers
So over-served with their boards
Those two still so in love
Walk hand in hand
Through the unpromised land
She got to sing of the castle
Owned by him
Him being their director
Who grew tired of them
So they found themselves
Banned from the garden of shells by the seashore
Banned from cutting anymore
Teenie-age capers
The director sees all, knows all, hires all, fires all
Now filming on location with less stale stars is
Bikini Bleach Blanket Blowout Part 17
Twist, kiddies, twist
It's all in the hips, you can't resist
Twist, kiddies, twist
They'll leave you all twisting in the ocean breeze
3
Love married thrillseekers
Dangerous flying murderer
Creepy thriller science-fiction
Tracks brilliant killer lawyer
Fantasy dead secret talk show
Singers dance laugh variety
Mystery husband and wife sleuths
Search journey to adventure
Expedition explore undersea worlds
Grisly dead terror situation comedy
Silent enemy playful ghost
Hypnotist detective who-dunit
Creature of destruction speaking animal
Psychological criminal attack wedding dispute
4
Hunters and gatherers
Hoarders and scavengers
Hustlers and suckers
5
On the first day there was created
The woman's mind so alive
On the second day there was created
The woman's will to survive
On the third day there were created
The woman's sensual skills
On the fourth day there were created
The woman's bosomy hills
On the fifth day there was created
The woman's hair like flowers
On the sixth day there were created
The woman's birthing powers
On the seventh day all was restful
Which was the official plan
But abruptly waking, and stressful
The creator burped a man
6
Hell a Lulu!
Screeched the Most Honorable
Evan Jelly, lamentably loud leader
Of the first house
Of the second coming
Of the third planet weirdos
Howja do that?
Responded his sacred singing geeks
And devoted denominational dweebs
Hell a Lulu! Howja do that?
Catcall and response, condemn and repeat - and so
Another obnoxious ex-con has it made in the shady shade
7
Don't walk, run to see BACK-STABBING HATREDS
With FALSE VALUES
And SOUR GRAPES
Plus DESPERATE GAMES
Featuring PILES OF BODIES BEHIND THE GLITTER
Don't walk, run to see CASTING COUCH SUICIDES
With MANSION BUMS
And DIRTY MONEY
Plus PARASITE AGENTS
Featuring HOT HEART ATTACK LIGHTS
Don't walk, run to see MAJOR SUBSTANCE ABUSERS
With INDUSTRY IDIOTS
And UNHEALTHY COMPETITION
Plus UNFAIR REWARDS
Featuring JUST A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THUGS
8
It's sleazeburger slop for the high school hop!
Wow, hey - all you wayout wildmen
And cool kittens with a whip!
Are you ready for the big bash in the jivin' gym?
We're gonna have none other than - get this -
Duke the Puke and the Dumbheads, that's all!
They'll be singin' their hot hits, natch - includin'
"We're All Slaves in the Same Cave" and
"Bite My Butt, You Ugly Mutt!" That's right!
Now, who sez our national product ain't the grossest?
See ya later, dudes and dude-ettes!
Ya!
9
In the early 1990s an editor from the Farmer's Almanac
Went on the Tonight Show and told the world how
Researchers have recently confirmed that
Love as we know it is merely a chemical reaction
That commonly lasts only about a year and a half
This major scientific bombshell was quickly glossed over
And the subject was changed before the next commercial
Since TV audiences with long marriages and short kids
Buy so many sponsored products, talk show hosts don't
Want people dwelling on strange but true facts like this
Being a fairly recent social invention anyway, romance -
Starting mainly around the 1500s - is now being given
Its accurate official merit, limited as that happens to be
So heed the Farmer's Almanac, expert in all types of crops
After that first 18 months, you're plowing on your own
10
Their next trick, that next trick
Poor men - they "act hexed, sick"
That next trick, their next trick
Rich men - just "eccentric"
11
My music played in the graveyard
My battery-operated sounds
The music is fine, coming out of my speaker,
Or out of my headset, out of everywhere
I try to transfer it to them
But no luck with that today
They will not be happy for me
I think I see my marker in the distance
They've voted me in
But how can that be?
I ask them
But they will not answer for me
Still I stay happy in my cool vibrations
Good vibes, nice vibes, walking all around the field
Some have flowers wilted
Some have flowers new
Mine has none but I'm hearing the fun
So everything is allright for now
On my lovely, lucky borrowed time
On my headphone holiday
On my vibration vacation
On my vibrant, loud elation
On my headstone here to stay
On my honor, I'll play my music with my future friends
12
It was fully documented how she was
Visited by the incredible, amazing
Pizzamonster from the planet Belchgut
The sky was purple and Pete's own burp pulled
The air from his lungs so gas spoke in tongues
His heartburn was like an orange glowing at low range
Pete offers to help if Mitzy gets a pizza with kelp
They stuff themselves on what lives on Italian shelves
Tummies were soon yearning for relief from the churning
All night chased by scary dreams with sudden screams
When the next weekend comes, the two naughty bums
Re-Pete, as the blaming Mitzy wails, "Pete's a monster!"
13
The box is long
The box is dark
All made of wood
Like Noah's ark
Old scripts demand
That most all souls
In one of these
Play their last role
They perform this
Social blunder
Laid flat back and
Six feet under
14
One ancient teacher
Was also a preacher
When he washed the dirt off his holy hands
With liquid, those holy hands
Would stay so new
But tragically they soon turned blue
When he died
His old habit he tried
When he washed the liquid off his holy hands
With dirt, those holy hands
Would stay so cold
Since magically they'd turned to gold
15
Sad to see that most writers for generations
Are tight as a drum, reporting on similar sitautions
How they're so outwardly limited and inwardly diminished
Drinking from the same draining pool, so quickly finished
Locked forever together in almost identical thought
Fingers of the same hand, mapping out plagiarized plots
Like it or not, they're what we've been stuck with -
Puny prophets we're doomed to be in and out of luck with
The few who might dare to deviate from this status quote
To blare out the occasional original vote for a fresher note
Seem wonderfully capable of many an explosive injury,
Ultrasonic and otherwise, to rotten foundations in a hurry
These vibrations shake up and rip down the worn walls,
Flawed floors, boring basements, barns and stable stalls
Owned by lazy scribes of every slick city and rural ranch
We should celebrate the rebels at each local library branch
Though it's doubtful we'd find these brave truth tellers
Amid the diet books and riot books called best sellers
But the perfect words are out there and worth searching for
Like hordes of marvelous minefields buried by the score
Their reverberation is capable of killing bad communication
And for this service asking no mere financial renumeration
When you find your favorite upstarts, hold fast to them, kid
They won't solve trouble but they'll blast you through it
16
The airwaves are mute, now I play a peacetime flute
The mikes aren't even making that static sound
They were long and rounded, and I stay well-grounded
Waiting for her to come back to town - she's on her way
I pray, recalling her sweetly squeaking to me ages ago
In Radioland, which was our special place ON THE AIR
Lately the cool gray city waits like a damaged machine
The streets stay wet, wide and empty, and the sky
Shows me oil streak paths on the way to her voice
She'd be a nice guest caller, tonight or any night
Since nobody else is going to call in anyway
Since war was declared ON THE AIR
Naturally I was thrown into the communications cavalry
Since it was the survival of the fittest
And the survivors were having their fits
But I still hold the hope that us wire-crossed lovebirds
Will get together now that this nasty thing is over with
As gamblers and liars used to say ON THE AIR
Only that time maybe I was actually someone who really
Meant that line for once - but these days I just like to
Think back to the better years before the bombers came
And quickly wiped everything out of our sight and sound
When I first started at the silver station I was young
And in love and to me everything said ON THE AIR
17
One year they invented
Still cameras
That was the year they should have stopped
Making paintings
Then one year they invented
Motion picture cameras
That was the year they should have stopped
Making still cameras
Then one year they invented
Video tape cameras
That was the year they should have stopped
Making motion picture cameras
Then years later came even better such inventions
But nobody stopped making the obsolete stuff
So we were left with far too many lousy little
Pictures
18
The tainted papers lie in state
Upon his desk they wait with hate
Waiting to be set in type
Waiting 'til the time is right
And when it is, three men will die
As well they should, by rights so high
They did the deed so foul, so low
They went against what we all know
To be right, and honorable, gents;
These men had no reverence
These men had no common sense
Of decency or goodness! Their rents
Are long overdue
They must pay up soon
They will die - the code won't be refused
Tomorrow at noon, tomorrow at noon
19
Special offer to weary vacationers:
Enjoy exciting Pastland!
This summer, or any
Other season!
Your every fond memory
Still fresh and permanent!
The same way you left it, and
In exactly the same quaint locale!
Getting there is just as easy as
Closing your eyes, but hey!
No snoozing, now - there's
Way too much to see!
20
Hit movie, really
Very cool, really
Covers things, really
They think that really
Tells it
Spells it
Yells it
Sells it
The pals, the gals
The scars, the cars
The race, the chase
The lies, your eyes
21
A man of letters
Met a woman of words
And together they
Completed life's sentence
22
Here is your product
From our invoice recorder
Thank you very much
For your fabulous order
And please enjoy your item -
You're a client who's so great
We'll kill our delivery boy
If this package was too late
23
Letting historical stuff in
Without metaphysical fluff in
Some insanity from humanity
As a man at tea sips his vanity
But look what he's missed - the magic!
He's never kissed - how tragic!
The wicked wind people later rattle his door
So they can sneak in and rattle him more
With their death rattles, and a creeping fear
Builds up in his aged darkness here
In a slowly playing symphony of fright
For most of the night
Until he must sit there, unable to leave
Caught and unwilling to breathe
Like a butterfly between paper and glass
Frozen in a frame from which he shall not pass
Looking so historical and almost alive
At last he's arrived
24
Hot and hurried, in a bundle of worry
He'd quickly sat down at the lounge this
Afternoon
And ordered drinks which are starting to stink
He'll probably also have, in his limited time,
Some odd-looking kind of hotel sandwich
Tonight
Also lately his ice cream reminds him of chlorine
But he won't let himself be frightened of his food
Hating him now, when luckily the menu of
Tomorrow
According to history, holds the biggest mystery
25
Hello, neighbors - here's A Film By Me
A long black and white home movie I'll force you all to see
We'll pass the evening with it, and for you it's free
Oh, look - it's me growing up, and it's me growing down
There's me running up, there's me falling down! Ho-hum
I tried to make things better, in my own strange little way
A little hot and naughty, not too haughty or snotty, okay?
Too bad the trying, crying and dying hit me hard every day
And look - it's silent but you see me still negotiating steady
Hey, are you getting sleepy already? Ho-hum
Here's the last part where I ask for redemption
From salty Saint Peter, who likes to give no exemption
When I plead on the pearly gate phone to get his attention
Wait, look - he hangs up saying to knock off the jokes
For me it was The End in one helluva way, folks! Ho-hum
26
Instead of immediately marrying her,
I stupidly let my college sweetheart slip away
When you're young and adventurous, it's easy to
Buy that old saying about women being like buses
There'll always be
another one along every 20 minutes
But most of them are quite inferior
With far less comfort, safety features
And general
Passenger enjoyment
27
With knowing winks and insincere waves
The famous pass through the crowded haze
Their fans might dangerously press in
But these beautiful people know they'll win
They use that sign language expertly and quickly
To escape when things get a bit too tricky
And soon their deadly bodyguards from hell
Will see them safely back to their hotels
But don't waste your time envying ego-driven stars
You are destined for only one path before you depart
Watch those miniature minutes with every breath
Made of slender seconds spent towards death
Of all frauds beware, smell the earth on the ground
You will soon be there, so look carefully around
Life is worthless if jealousy rules it's span
So enjoy it purely while you still can
28
For your annoyance after shopping
As you pay and head for the door
You might soon be stopping
So please don't get too sore
It's just that your new electronic stuff
Sometimes beeps when not fully scanned
It's usually steeply-priced enough
Being always in high demand
We're sorry if that's a hassle
And we regret the time it took
We're glad you visited our castle
And we totally don't think you're a crook
29
The greedy globalist relaxes and has drinks
Like a lazy old freeloader
Something's in the air, me thinks
And it's no middle of the roader
The fake patriot is up to some bold hijinks
Better use your spy decoder
Something really stinks
About the New World Odor
30
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